My Hidden Heart
by Endless Potential
Summary: Hermione starts to feel something for Draco. Problem is that so does two of her friends. Does she go for the man or simply step aside? COMPLETE
1. Default Chapter

**Chapter One**

-Hogwarts Platform-

"I want a truce."

Those were the first words I heard from Draco Malfoy's mouth at the start of 7th year. And that wierded me out, man.

"You do realize who you're talking to, right? Hermione Granger? The girl you taunted and hated for 6 years?"

He rolled his eyes at me. "Yes. I'm not a bloody idiot. But we're both heads this year. And I don't want to get into trouble by fighting with the head girl. Who I'm rooming with in case you've forgotten."

That's all true. What can it hurt?

"Hm…okay. Then you can't call me a mudblood anymore."

"Most definitely. So we have a deal or not?" He put out his hand. I looked at it hesitantly. This was Draco Malfoy, after all. Whom I was actually having a semi- civilized conversation with. Who teased me all these years. Who I hate. Who looks awfully good this year.

Where did that come from?

I finally took his hand. Then, the strangest thing happened. He gave me an actual smile. Not a smirk or a scowl, but an actual smile.

And as much as it infuriates me to say this, he looked pretty damn good.

I smiled back. "See you at school, Malfoy." I was about to walk away to find Harry, Ron, and Ginny when he grabbed my arm. Shivers went through my skin.

"Call me Draco…Hermione." And with that, he went off.

That was strange.

-On the Train-

I looked through the compartments until I found Harry and Ron.

They both smiled when they saw me. "Hermione!" They yelled in unison as they threw themselves at me.

"You guys!" I laughed. "I can't breathe!" They grinned and we sat down.

"Where's Ginny?" I asked.

Ron made a face. "Somewhere snogging the pants off Dean Thomas, most likely. The two have been going at it ever since the bloke came over to visit."

I laughed. It was just like old times again.

"Oh, guess what you guys. Draco Malfoy came over to me on the playform just now and asked for a truce. Can you believe it?" Their mouths dropped.

"Are you serious? What do you reckon he's up to?" Ron asked.

"How do you know it wasn't sincere?"

"Well, come on, 'Mione, this is Malfoy we're talking about." Harry answered me.

"Well, I think we should atleast give him a chance."

They looked at eachother skeptically before Harry said, "Well, we may not trust him, but we respect your judgement, Herms. Just be careful, ok?"

"Yeah", piped up Ron. "And if he does anything kinky, just give us the word and we'll beat him into a bloody pulp." I laughed again. The rest of the ride, we just played exploding snap.

-Hogwarts Great Hall-

"Hermione? Hermione!" I turned around and was barricaded by a blur of red.

"Whoa! Ginny, is that you?" I took a better look.

"Well, duh, who else would it be?" She then looked around and whispered in my ear, "I heard you're rooming with Malfoy. How are you holding up?"

I giggled. "Ginny, don't worry. We made a truce. Of course, I'll have to see if he sticks to it. Now let's get seated before Dumbledore speaks."

We were right on time. Right as I sat my arse down, he stood up.

"Welcome, students, to another year at Hogwarts. I'm sure this one will be quite eventful." I noticed he looked straight at Harry when he said that. "As ususal, the Dark Forest is strictly forbidden. And Argus Filch has added once again to the list of items that are unallowed; that is posted outside for anyone who wishes to see it. And may I announce this year's head boy and girl." This perked me up a bit.

"Draco Malfoy from Slytherin, please stand." All the Slytherins applauded wildly, while all the other houses clapped politely.

"Hermione Granger from Gryffindor." I stood up. Harry and Ron, of course, were whistling like animals, as were many others from my house. Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff clapped a lot too, but the Slytherins didn't even move.

That is, exept Mal…Draco. I'll have to get used to that. He was clapping a little. Somehow, they made me feel oddly proud.

"Let the sorting begin."

-Head Common Room-

It was already 1 am when I ran into the head common room for the first time. I was stunned.

Everything in the room was decorated in Slytherin and Gryffindor colors. Although it was nice, I hoped the room wasn't like that. My favorite colors were actually blue, red, and black. Mostly black.

Stunning, isn't it?

"Thought you weren't gonna make it." In all my amazement, I didn't notice Draco sitting on the green couch on my right.

"Sorry. The Gryffindors had a huge party, and I guess I got carried away." I sighed as I dropped my bag onto the floor and threw myself onto the maroon couch. Heaven.

"How was it?" He asked after a pause.

I raised my eyebrows slightly at him. "You actually care what a mudblood did?" I was saying it as a joke, but I guess he didn't take it that way. Because his eyes darkened. I was quite surprised because the light shade of blue became navy.

"You aren't a mudblood." With that, he got up off the couch and went into the bathroom.

Strange.

Actually, when he said that, it was directed toward me, but it sounded like he was more saying it to himself. Like he was confirming it. To himself.

Finally, at about 2 am, I was in my pajamas and getting into bed, which was right next to Draco's, only separated by a table.

To my relief, the room was all blue and black. Really amazing what Dumbledore knows, honestly.

He was already in his bed, reading a book. When, he saw me, I guess he knew I was tired because he set it down and lied his head onto his pillow.

"Goodnight, Draco," I said right before I turned off the lights.

After a few minutes, however, he turned them back on and turned toward me.

"You know I meant what I said." He stared intently into my eyes. "About you not being a mudblood."

At first, I was completely surprised. Then I slowly broke into a small grin.

"I know."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

-One Month Later-

By November, me and Draco actually became friends. It was way less then what I had with Harry and Ron, but we were considerably more then acquaintances.

"Hermione! Wait up!" I turned around and saw Pavarti Patil. We never were really close; she was a little too prissy for my taste. But I guess she was okay.

When she finally caught up to me, she said, "Hermione! I haven't talked to you in like forever! Listen, me and Lavender are having a party tomorrow in the Gryffindor common room. Can you make it?"

I was mildly surprised, but happy too. "Sure! When?"

She grinned mischievously. "Well, we were thinking that it should start at 11. You know, when curfew begins."

Why not?" I shrugged. "Is it just going to be Gryffindors or…"

"There'll be a lot of Ravenclaws too, a few Hufflepuffs, and one Slytherin."

One Slytherin?

"Who's the Slytherin?" I asked her.

"Oh, its this one Asian girl, Serena Zhei. She's, like, totally unlike a Slytherin. Honestly, I strongly believe that the Sorting Hat was wrong in her case. She is so much more of a Gryffindor." She answered as she checked her watch. "Oh fuck, we're gonna be late for Potions!"

"Shit! Snape's gonna freak!" We ran all the way to the dungeons and sat down right when the bell rang.

"Ahem. Thank you for joining us, Ms. Granger and Ms. Patil." He seemed quite put out that he didn't get to take away points from us for being late. "Today, you all are going to be put into partners which I will be choosing."

I groaned inwardly. No doubt he would pair me up with someone foul, like Crabbe or Goyle.

He started to read from a list. "Potter and Malfoy, Weasley and Goyle, Thomas and Parkinson, Longbottom and Bulstrode, Granger and Zhei…"

Zhei? As in Serena Zhei? Pavarti did say she wasn't bad... I just hope she was right.

I took my book bag and moved over to what I presumed to be her desk, since she was the only Asian I saw in the classroom.

"Hi," she said brightly. "Hermione, right? Head girl with Draco?"

I nodded. "Serena is your first name, right? And you're going to the party in the Gryffindor common room?"

"Yup. Well, I guess we should get started on the potion. Sorry if I mess up, I'm hopeless at this subject." She started gathering the materials. I looked over at Harry and Draco, where they obviously weren't getting along. Harry's hands were pulling at his hair, making it even more messy then it already was, and Draco looked like he was ready to punch him.

I guess he felt my eyes on him, because he turned around. I gave him a sympathetic look. He smiled. Harry noticed.

I turned back to Serena, who looked horribly flustered. "Um…do you need some help?" I couldn't help but giggle at her helpless expression.

She looked up at me gratefully. "Please and thank you."

-After Class-

"So Hermione, what's up with you and Malfoy?" Harry asked me casually while we were walking toward the great hall for dinner.

I looked at him, surprised. "What are you talking about, Harry? You know we're friends now."

He looked at me, as if trying to figure out if I was sincere, and said, "Really? Just friends?"

I laughed. "Of course. What did you think?"

"It's just… never mind. Let's eat."

-Head Common Room-

"I heard that there was going to be a party in the Gryffindor Common Room tomorrow." Draco and I were reading in bed just like every night when he suddenly brought up the party.

I brought down my book to my lap and looked at him curiously. "Yes. What about it?"

He shifted his position so he was facing me. "I was thinking…um…" He was blushing. "Do you think that… well…"

"Spit it out already."

"Do you think the Gryffindors would mind if I came?" He blurted out.

"You actually wanna come?" I never thought I'd see the day when Draco Malfoy would want to hang out with a bunch of non- Slytherins.

"Well, yeah." He lost his blush now. "I always wondered what kind of parties your house throws. Merlin knows the Slytherin parties suck ass. Everyone is all uptight." He stopped for a second. "Except for that one girl, Serena. The girl you partnered up with in Potions today."

"Yeah, she's going to the party too. The only Slytherin there, in fact."

He chuckled. "She always _was_ hanging out with the other houses more then her own." He looked at me again. "So do you think they'll let me go?"

Right at that moment, while I was looking at his blue eyes, I found that I really _really_ wanted Draco to be at the party. Which didn't even make sense because I didn't even really care if _Harry or Ron_ would go. And Draco was a friend. Right?

"Yeah, they probably wouldn't mind. You'll be my guest." He smiled at me as I said these words, words I would probably regret the next day when I'd confront Pavarti. But at the moment, he was happy.

Wait… _I _was happy, not _he. _That's I meant to think. Whoa, what was wrong with me?

"Thanks, Hermione. Well, goodnight." He turned off the lights.

"Goodnight," I repeated slowly as I sank into my bed, waiting for sleep to overtake me.

-Next Day-

"Pavarti! Wait up!" I ran toward her while she was just heading toward the Gryffindor portrait.

"What's up, Hermione?" She asked.

"About the party." I paused, trying to think up a good way to word this. "What do you think about having another Slytherin there?"

She wrinkled her nose. "Who?"

"Well, I think Draco might want to come." I braced myself for the inevitable _Hermione, what were you thinking?_

Instead, she smiled and said, "Draco Malfoy? Oh, gosh, yes! Bring him! He's such total hotness!"

"Really?" I wanted to hug her with relief. Although it _was_ making me a tad uncomfortable hearing her talk about him like that.

"Oh yes! All the ladies in the girls' Gryffindor dormitories, as much as we hate to admit it, all think he's totally fine! And you! You lucky ass, you get to live with him."

This was news to me. I mean, sure, I was always aware that Draco Malfoy was good looking, but I never knew it was enough to make all my fellow female house members swoon.

"Well. Okay then. I'll let him know, okay?"

"Fabulous. See you at the party, Hermione!"


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

-Common Room 10: 45 pm-

"Let's get going!" I said to Draco who was still eyeing the muggle clothes I conjured up for him. He was in a black t- shirt and baggy jeans. Actually, he looked quite good.

Dare I say it, _hot._

I myself was wearing a black tank top with a see through pink blouse over it with faded jeans.

The joy of muggle fashion.

"I can't believe that this what muggles wear all the time. It's so… so… _common._" I laughed at that.

"Well, I guess you can take the pureblood out of the rich, but you can't take the rich out of the pureblood." He made a face at me.

"Let's just go."

-Gryffindor Common Room-

I whispered the password to the portrait and stepped in the common room.

Whoa.

That would be the only word to describe the place. It was only 11:30 and the place was already a total mess. People were making out, including Harry and Ron with these two girls whose faces I couldn't see much to my disgust, drinking firewhiskey, playing strip poker, and I'm sure I saw a couple sneak into a room somewhere.

To my right, I heard a laugh.

"So this is what kind of parties you guys throw," Draco commented. "I must say I like it." With that, half the girls in the room turned around and stared at him and started to ogle.

Pavarti, in particular, smirked. All of a sudden, she cried out, "Hey everyone! In a circle! Time to play a game."

Everyone stopped what they were doing and came over. Except those two people who went off into a room somewhere. Honestly, how vulgar.

"Ok, people. Time for the main event." A couple of people snickered. "Truth or dare." I, as well as some others, let out a whoop.

"Who brought the veritaserum?" She looked around.

"I did," called out a voice. A Hufflepuff named Kyle came up and handed her the vile.

"Ok, now that we're all set… who wants to go first?"

"I will!" Lavender Brown put her finger to her chin trying to decide who she would pick. "Ron, truth or dare?"

He perked up. "Dare."

"Hmm….what should we do with you?" She snapped her fingers. "I dare you to take off your shirt and swing it around singing, Hallelujah, its raining men!" A giggle swept around the room, mostly the females, who longed to see his body.

His face flushed as he slowly took off his white t- shirt, earning numerous catcalls and wolf whistles.

He began singing, and as much as I tried to be a good friend, I couldn't help myself. "Louder!" I yelled as a new wave of laughter took over my body.

"Hallelujah, it's raining men!" He sang very off tune. Finally, he finished and sat back down, forgetting momentarily that he still was topless. I'm sure a plenty amount of girls were grateful for that.

"Ok, it's my turn now. Harry. Truth or dare?"

"Mate, I'm not a wuss. But I'm not stupid either. Truth."

"You coward. Fine, take the veritaserum." He handed Harry the vile and watched him take a sip.

"Ok, shoot."

"Alrighty… this past week, you've been crushing on someone and you haven't told me who. So… who?"

Harry turned as red as Ron's hair. He coughed. "Ron, please don't hurt me…. Ginny."

At that, all the color drained from Ron's face. "Y- you mean…" He looked at Ginny then back at Harry. "That was who you were sn- snogging just now?"

Harry gulped then nodded.

"I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" He lunged for him and started to strangle him as he panted out words.

"Stay- away- from- my- sister- you- bloody-"

"RONALD WEASLEY!" Ginny shouted, making an uncanny impression of her mother. Ron stopped strangling Harry immediately and ran a hand through his hair.

"Heh heh. Sorry, mate. Alright there?" He smiled weakly.

Harry frowned then smiled, rubbing his sore neck. "All's good. But next time Ron, I'll get you back."

"Anyways, it's my turn. Hermione. Truth or dare?"

I felt my palms start to sweat already. But I didn't show it. "Well, I'm no coward. Dare."

He smirked at me playfully. "Confident, aren't you? Well, we'll see about that. I dare you to kiss Malfoy for atleast a full minute!"

My and Draco's and everyone else in the room's jaw dropped simultaneously. "Harry," I hissed at him. "What the bloody hell are you saying?"

"Yeah, Harry. What the bloody hell are you saying?" Ron nudged his side harshly.

"You heard me." He sat back, putting his hands behind his head.

"Oh, you're evil, Potter." I heard Draco say beside me. "I must say, I'm surprised at your Slytherin behavior."

"From you, Malfoy, I'll take that as a compliment. Now get to snogging." I glared at him. I turned my body toward Draco and he did the same, receiving some animalistic howls from our audience.

"Let's just do this and get it over with." I said to him, sighing.

"Ladies first," he said suavely. Over his shoulder, I saw Serena looking at us curiously.

I shrugged and leaned in until our lips were getting closer… closer… closer…when they finally touched.

I didn't expect them to be so soft. And warm. Oh bloody hell. Pretty soon, I felt his hands groping my waist and his hair slipping in my fingers.

I guess we went a little over because next thing I know, I felt someone tapping my shoulder. I finally realized what I was doing and quickly pulled away, blushing like mad probably.

"Um… minute's up," Harry said sheepishly. I looked around the room. Some people were suppressing laughter, most of them were open mouthed in shock, and one, Ron, was fuming.

"Uh…I think I'll just… I'll just leave the party now, you know…" I said, backing away toward the door, bumping into a couch. "Well, see you all tomorrow…" I reached the portrait and ran out of there like there was no tomorrow.

I ran until I reached the head common room where I could finally relax and sort out my thoughts.

What was that? One minute, I'm all good, just waiting for the kiss to be over so I can continue with the party, and the next, I'm full on _snogging_ Draco Malfoy in front of all the people to see. Then I run out of the room.

Smooth, Granger. Real smooth.

More importantly, what was with all that passion? How could I not have even noticed my hands going up to his head, pulling at his hair?

I don't like him, do I?

I mean, that is not even possible to think of. Me, a Gryffindor, and him, a Slytherin? Together? Then again, we're friends and no one objected to that. But lovers?

No! I scolded myself. Don't even think like that!

So its settled. I don't like him. I don't like Draco Malfoy. It was… it was just hormones. Yes. Hormones. That's what it was. Raging teenage hormonal imbalances beyond my psychological control.

Whew.

Just then a knock on the portrait snapped me out of my reverie.

"Hermione? Are you in there?" It was Draco's voice. Oh Merlin! I wasn't ready to face him yet!

"Yeah, hold on." I opened the portrait, revealing a very distressed looking Draco.

"Are you okay?" He asked me cautiously.

Okay, play it cool. "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"Well, the way you ran out of there like that," He ran his hand through his already mussed up hair. Oh lordie, I wanted to feel that…

What the fuck?! What did I just think?!

"Well, you seemed… flustered about what happened. But you're okay?"

"Of course. I mean, it was awkward, but it meant nothing, right?"

"Right." Hmm. How disappointing.

Disappointing?! Okay, I gotta stop thinking like this.

"Well, good. So nothing changed between us, right? We're still good friends and everything?" I asked him.

He smiled. "You got it."

I faked a yawn. "Well, I'm getting exhausted. I'm off to bed."

Actually, I just all of a sudden got into a foul mood. No clue why, I just did. Plus, I need to think things through more clearly.

Like if I'm infatuated with my roommate or not. Because clearly, I wasn't sure at all.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

-One Week Later-

A week passed since the party. I thought it would be awkward with Draco after that, but surprisingly, we successfully maintained our friendship like nothing happened. I was glad.

Right?

Well, I guess I can admit to myself, and _only_ myself, that I might have wanted the kiss to develop us to something more. But it was normal to feel that way. We _kissed_, for Merlin's sake. But that doesn't mean I like him.

Right.

In Potions, our old partners became our regular ones, so I was going to be with Serena the whole year.

"Hermione, can you pass the unicorn hairs?" Serena's voice brought me back to reality.

"Sure."

Over week, we became good friends. That's another Slytherin. Next, I'll be in with Pansy Parkinson. Not.

"So, you have to admit, the kiss between you and Draco was pretty intense," she said to me as she added the hairs to our potion.

"Well, I suppose so, but it meant nothing. We're just friends."

She stopped adding the hairs for a second and turned to me. "Really?"

I was surprised at her voice. She sounded stern. Interested. Hopeful?

"Y- yeah," I stuttered. Then, I added more confidently, "Of course."

She smiled widely. "Ok. Awesome."

I raised my eyebrow. "Why awesome?"

She didn't miss a beat of our conversation. "My friend likes him, and I wanted to make sure she could go for it. You know, without other people on the line. So yeah."

I wasn't completely convinced, but I let it go.

-Hogsmeade Weekend-

All the girls had come together to dress up for Hogsmeade weekend since we never got to change out of our school robes during school days. Basically, everyone wanted to impress the boys.

Not that I did. Ahem.

We decided to hold our little get together in the head common room. Pavarti, Lavender, Ginny, Hannah, Padma, and even Serena knocked on my portrait at 9: 30 am, just as I had gotten out of the shower.

I ran over, still in a bathrobe, and let them all in.

"Hermione! We brought all our stuff. Let's get to getting!" Pavarti squealed as the rest of them pushed me into the bedroom. Just as we were going in, Draco was coming out. They stopped in their tracks, but not before accidentally pushing me into him.

"Hey!" I let out a shout, surprised. He stopped my fall before I went crashing down. I looked up at his startled yet worried eyes.

Oh Lord.

"Sorry about that," I said, looking back at the girls to glare at them. They were ogling at Draco, who was without a shirt, revealing his well toned muscles nicely.

"It's okay." He turned to the others and nodded. "Morning, ladies. I'm off to take a shower." He gave me one last bemused look, then headed toward the bathroom. They stared after him.

"Please don't drool on the carpet." They snapped their heads back to me, embarrassed.

"Geez, Hermione. Do you get to see that everyday?" Lavender asked enviously. I wish.

-Hogsmeade Village-

After half an hour of listening to those females I call friends blabber about how hot Draco was, I finally got to hang out with Harry and Ron a bit.

"Hey Hermione. C'mon, let's go to the Hog's Head for a butterbeer." I had just arrived when Ron grabbed my wrist and dragged me along with Harry and started to run.

"Whoa, Ron. What's the rush?" Harry asked as he tried to keep up.

"Well, when you were busy snogging my sister and Hermione was busy with head duties, I got busy and found myself a date."

I grinned. "That's great, Ron! Who's the lucky lady?"

"Hello, Ron." _Luna Lovegood_?!!

-The Hog's Head-

"So, Ron's dating Luna Loony," Harry said absent- mindedly.

"It's Luna Lovegood, Harry," I corrected him.

"How long do you think this has been going on?" He asked, ignoring my previous statement.

"I don't know, but they look pretty cozy."

They were in a corner booth, shoulders touching, sipping on the same butterbeer.

Well, it wasn't like Luna was ugly. She was actually pretty good looking. She just had the reputation of being loony. But really, people change.

Pretty soon, Ginny came in to cuddle with her boyfriend. I had no interest in being the third wheel, so I quickly made an excuse and got out of there.

As soon as I got out, I bumped into someone and fell to the ground.

"Oh, sorry Hermione. Here, let me help you up." It was Draco, and he was carrying a shopping bag with a bright ribbon hanging out.

He held his hand out, which I gladly excepted. As soon as our fingers touched, I felt a blush creep up on my cheeks. For no reason.

I looked into his eyes. Big mistake. Honestly, blue eyes are my total weakness.

I gulped. "So, um, who's the present for?"

He looked at me and smiled. Oh Merlin, I really liked his smile. "Someone."

Ok, I think I like him.

-Head Common Room-

After we got back from the village, the girls all had to go to my room again to grab all their things. There, I had wanted to tell them about my newfound infatuation.

"You guys," I started. "I think I might li-"

Everyone was there waiting to hear my announcement except for Serena. All of a sudden, she burst into the room.

"Oh my God, girls, I am officially Draco Malfoy's girlfriend! Aren't you happy for me?"

I was shocked. So, as it seems, were all the others at first. Then, Lavender broke the silence. "Way to go! I always thought you guys would make a cute couple."

Everyone else started to congratulate her as well. I wanted to. But I couldn't really tell what I was feeling at the moment. I didn't love him, but I didn't really get a chance, did I?

At that moment, Pavarti shouted, "I can't believe you, Serena! You knew I liked him! I told you that just a few days ago!"

Another shock.

"Are you serious?" I whispered under my breath so that no one could hear me. _Two _of my friends liked him? Oh, just brilliant.

"You just said you thought he was hot. You didn't say you liked him." Serena cocked her head to the side.

"You bitch! I said I liked him!" My jaw dropped. Wasn't it just a while ago when she said that Serena was really nice? And now she was calling her a bitch?

With that, Pavarti stormed out of the room, slamming the portrait shut.

Serena's eyes started to fill up with tears. "But- but she didn't…"

-Hours later-

At 12: 43 am, I was laying down in my bed holding up a book, but not really reading.

Well, my heart was far from broken, but I think it might have been a little chipped. I mean, I didn't love him. Just liked him. I'd get over it.

"How was your day?" I looked up from the blurred pages of my book and saw Draco pulling the up his green covers and reaching for a book.

"It was good, "I lied through my teeth. "I heard that you and Serena got together, so what's the story on that?" I faked a cheerful tone, but in reality, my heart was weighing down on me like a ton of bricks.

He smiled happily, which made me feel even worse. "Yeah. I bought that present you saw earlier for her. I had wanted to ask her for a while now. Isn't she terrific? Seriously, she's the loveliest Slytherin there ever was and now, she's mine." He sighed dreamily.

Okay, now, that little chip got just a bit bigger.

I kept smiling for him. "Aw… that's so… sweet." Oh, God, now tears were filling my eyes. I quickly put down my book and faked a yawn.

"Well, I'd love to hear you babble more, but I need sleep. Goodnight."

By the time I lay my head on my pillow, a tear had already fallen.

-Potions Class-

"Hermione, you're happy for me, right?" asked a worried Serena.

Oh great. More acts. I put on another fake smile just like I had done the night before for Draco. "Of course, Serena. Why wouldn't I be?"

She smiled, relieved. "Well, at first I thought you liked him, but I'm glad I was wrong. Pavarti is still furious with me and I don't think I could stand to lose another friend." Her look dimmed a tad, but then brightened again, probably for me.

Well, I wanted to be upset with her, but how could you? She was hard to get made at. Well, at least for me it was.

Now that I thought about it, she had a basically perfect life. She was gorgeous, she was teacher's pet in almost all her classes , had boys chasing after her all over the place, and managed to snag the perfect boyfriend.

How does life work that way?

"Well, don't worry. I don't like Draco that way. We're just good friends is all. How long have you liked him?" I was digging my own grave, I knew it. But I was just too curious.

"Ever since before the party, I guess. And he said that he liked me ever since a week after the party! Isn't that cool?"

He liked her for that long? Well, he sure as hell never told me.

"Yeah, that's really cool." I kept my eyes down to the cauldron but my voice remained cheerful.

"I don't know, Hermione. I know I'm still young, but I can't help but feel like I love him, you know?"

My head snapped up. Love? _Love_? She barely even _knew _him.How could she love him already?

"Are you sure?" I asked her skeptically but as kindly as possible.

She shrugged. "I don't know. I might."

I don't think she did, though.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

-Over the Week-

These past few days have been absolute torture.

Pavarti is still stark raving mad at Serena, who's been blissfully happy with Draco, and finds it convenient to tell me _all about _the dates they go on, chipping my heart even more. A verbal fight broke out at the great hall during lunch yesterday.

_FLASHBACK_

"_You are a man stealing bitch!" Pavarti threw her napkin down on the table and stormed toward the Slytherin table. I could only thank Merlin that Draco wasn't there to see this pathetic display._

"_I didn't steal him! He was never even yours!" Serena shouted at her for the first time, probably fed up by now. To tell you the truth, I had never heard her shout before._

_It was actually quite frightening._

"_You might as well have!" _

"_You know what? I'm not gonna argue about this. I am so not going to argue about my boyfriend with you! Just freaking get another fuckbuddy and get out of my face!"_

_Everyone gasped. I was beyond gasping. My jaw was on the floor._

_Pavarti just stared at her with a stony expression on her face. _

_Serena looked just as shocked at herself as everyone else. "Pavarti, I'm sorry, I wasn't-"_

_Before she could continue, Pavarti fled out the door._

_FLASHBACK END_

Well, after that, both of them came to me. At different times of course.

First, Pavarti came to me crying her eyes out, saying things like, "What a total bitch! I hate her! She should just die! Can you believe she said that to me?"

I had no choice but to nod, hug her, and hand her tissues while she poured her heart out.

I mean, I knew she was sad, but to go this far? It's undignified! It's a guy!

Men.

Later, Serena came to cry a little, but not as much, thank God, and say, "I know what I said was harsh, but she was yelling at me in front of everyone. What was I supposed to do?"

And again, all I could do was nod.

Now, today, I had to plan the Yule Ball with Draco alone in the library where I will probably barely have the heart to look at him.

I really hate hormones.

"So, what I'm thinking is…" I wasn't really paying attention to him. I knew as head girl, I needed to know all the plans, but I couldn't help but wallow in my self pity, which was a very un- Hermione kind of thing to do.

Then, I saw something on his wrist when his arm shifted the sleeve.

I grabbed his arm and pulled the sleeve down to his elbows. Revealing several scars.

I froze. He froze. I could feel the tension rising.

"Draco, what is this?"

He looked down at his lap for a second, with his arm still grasped firmly in my hand, then around the room, then back at me.

"Not here. Come on."

-Head Common Room-

"I know what you're thinking, Hermione. But you're wrong. I don't cut myself."

I felt only slightly relieved. Slightly. "Well then what happened?"

He looked at his hands. After a very long pause, he whispered quietly, "My father."

At that, my eyebrows shot up.

"I've never told anyone this, but… he hurts me and my mother. Badly. I have new scars every week."

"B- but," I stuttered unintelligently. "That one weekend, I- I saw you without a sh- shirt." I gulped.

"I had already healed them. He does them telepathically. It's a curse he did on me in the beginning of the summer. It's to make sure I never disobey him."

A tear fell from his eye, which he quickly wiped away.

By now, I had already shed a few tears as well. I put my hand on his shoulder. "Why don't you cry?"

He laughed half- heartedly. "Malfoys don't cry."

A couple more tears fell from my eyes. "Do you like being a Malfoy?"

He looked at me with those eyes. Those blue eyes, now shining with unshed sadness, and I could only see despair.

I pulled him into a hug.

At first, I guess he was surprised. But after a second, he returned it fully. And I could feel wet drops on my back. I let him cry freely.

The next couple of days, we talked more and more. My heart went out to him. Here was a man who grew up surrounded by only hate, knowing nothing of parental care or unconditional love. He let go of all tender feelings when he was seven when his mother was ordered to never hold him again.

After that one night, he never cried in front of me again. He was raised to be like that. That was his only moment of weakness.

So I cried for him. I wanted to cry even more when he told me about how Serena was one of the only good things that ever happened to him. He also told me about how she made him so happy and how she made him forget about his horrible father and ugly scars.

I wanted to cry then, but I knew that those were the parts when I was expected to smile.

-December-

"Hey Hermione. Are you okay? You look a tad bit down." I was at the great hall for breakfast, sitting in my usual seat in between Harry and Ron.

"I'm fine, Harry. Just tired, that's all." I smiled at him brightly to clear his suspicions. I didn't want him to worry about me, but at the same time I was grateful that he noticed.

No one else did. I was happy for that, yet miserable as well.

I seemed to have so many friends, like Harry, Ron, Serena, Draco, Pavarti, all the other girls in Gryffindor, but no one seems to ever notice me. Why is that?

I walked slowly into potions class, where I was dreading Snape and Serena, who would undoubtedly tell me about her date.

"Oh my gosh, Hermione, guess what Draco did for me on our date!"

Here we go.

After class, I ran straight to the library. The whole time, Serena had been talking about him. I couldn't take it anymore. I needed to escape. I had to plan the Yule Ball anyway, which was merely a week away.

Once I was there, a wave of relief swept me. Safe at last.

That is, until I saw Ron come toward me of course.

I forced another smile and walked over to where he was waving. "Hermione," he started immediately. "I don't have a date for the Yule Ball. Do you?" I shook my head slowly, feeling a déjà vu coming on.

"I thought you had Luna to go with."

"She can't She went back home to visit her suck aunt or something so she'll be missing the ball."

"Well, we should go together then. To spare the embarrassment of going alone. What do you say?" He looked at me expectantly, as if he was waiting for me to get mad at him or something.

It was working. I already felt anger boiling up inside me. Just like in 4th year, he was using me as a last resort!

Instead of furiously yelling at him like I would normally would, I sighed dejectedly, much to his surprise. "Ron, I'd really rather go stag this year. I'm sure you'll find a date in time."

He was silent. Then, "What happened to you, Hermione?"

I looked at him while he continued. "Lately, you've been all… I don't know, quiet. Inspirited. Defeated or something. I've been worried about you."

I smiled at him, all anger forgotten. "Ron, you don't have to worry about me. I've just been going through a slight funk. But honestly, I'll bounce back. Do you know who you're talking to?"

He still looked unconvinced, but said, "Well, I hope so, 'Mione. I still wish you'd talk to me more, though." He stood up, pecked me on the forehead in a brotherly manner, and walked out.

I sighed once more and sank into my chair, letting another tear fall into my lap.

-Day Before the Ball-

The girl dormitories were in utter turmoil. Serena was there as well, invited by the Gryffindor girls besides Pavarti, who had quite taken to her since the past months.

So, inevitably, Pavarti and Serena had another showdown.

"You're not in Gryffindor. Why are you here, Zhei?" she asked coolly.

Serena barely flinched. A few days ago, she had decided not to try to patch things up as if she was begging to be forgiven.

"I was invited. Got a problem?" she shot right back.

"Oh no, no. Why would I? I'm just saying, once a Slytherin, always a Slytherin."

Serena narrowed her eyes dangerously. "Well, that's funny, seeing as how you _fell _for a Slytherin."

"If you mean Draco Malfoy, I am so completely over that bleached furred ferret."

"I'm so sure." She turned back to us. "You know, on second thought, I'm going to get back to the Slytherin dormitories. I'll see you all later."

All was silent as she gracefully walked toward the portrait, her chin up determined.

A few seconds later, the room erupted with noise again. My conscience would not leave me alone, so I went out to follow her.

"Serena?" I knew she wouldn't really go to the Slytherin girl dormitories. She hated Pansy and those others just like everyone else.

I looked in the library and sure enough, there she was, head in a book, but not really reading.

"Serena?" I called to her tentatively. "Are you alright?"

She looked at me with tear filled eyes and a small smile. "Yeah. I just have to clear my head a little. You should go back and enjoy yourself with the others."

I had to grin at her self- righteousness. She really was like a Gryffindor, so proud.

"Well, am I your friend or what?" I joked as I took the seat next to her.

"Only the best one I have at the moment." I waved it off. "No really. I mean, you're the only one I could talk to about my problems with Pavarti, my dates with Draco, everything. You really are a great friend."

I felt a lurch of guilt. I was always thinking about how horrible it was listening to her talk about Draco, when here she is, admitting that I'm the only one there is to tell. And saying I'm a great friend.

Great friend, my ass.

Well, from now on, I will be. My stupid little infatuation with Draco will not ruin this friendship. No way.

Well, I only have one choice then.

I have to get over him.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6 

-Pre Yule Ball-

One hour. We have one hour until the Yule Ball.

You thought the girl's dormitories were chaotic yesterday? Compared to today, yesterday was nothing.

This time, even Pavarti couldn't keep Serena away from here. She was the one doing my hair into curls. I was supposed to open the first dance with Draco, and she, being an innocent and trusting soul, completely didn't mind.

"Oh my gosh, Hermione, you are going to look so awesome once your hair and makeup is done." She put a mirror in front of me. My usually unruly hair had calmed down into soft ringlets.

In danger of being vain, I had to say I looked pretty damn good. And that was before the makeup.

"Hermione, can you help me find my shoes? Come into my room with me, please?" Before I could respond, Pavarti grabbed my arm and dragged me off to her room with her.

"Whoa, Pavarti, what's the rush?" I asked her once I recovered. "Well, let's find those shoes."

"I didn't really need you to help me find shoes. But I need to talk to you. You're the only one I _can_ talk to." Tears were already forming in her eyes.

"Pavarti, what's wrong?" I asked as gently as possible.

"Hermione, I'm still not over him." I thought my eyes would pop out of their sockets. "I know I don't act like it, but I still like him, Hermione, I really do."

Well, I was speechless.

"Are you serious?" She nodded miserably. "Well, it's just an infatuation, isn't it?"

"No! It's much more then that! I mean, I feel like I really know him, you know? Ever since last year when his father got sent to Azkaban, he's like a totally different person!"

That was true. But seriously, she didn't know him that well. So how does she like him that much?

She continued. "He's so nice now, but he doesn't even give me a glance now that he has Serena. But everyone is like totally on her side. What would you do?"

Well, I'm sorta in her situation. So… "Well, I wouldn't know your situation, Pavarti." BULLSHIT!

"I know. Well, I have to be strong today," she said all melodramatically. Which I thought was totally unnecessary, since it was somewhat pathetic.

I gave her a small smile anyway. "That's the attitude."

"Thanks for listening, Hermione. Promise you won't tell?"

"Of course. I wouldn't do that," I answered her numbly.

She took her shoes and we walked back to where everyone else was.

"Come on, Hermione. You're starting off the first dance! You have to look really great!" A few of the girls pushed me into a chair and started working.

A few minutes later, I was finished. I slowly lifted my eyes to the mirror, afraid of what I would see.

To my happy surprise, I didn't look so bad. In fact, I don't think I ever looked better in my life.

Everyone beamed at me. I looked over at Serena who was so happy for me, and I knew that it was going to be a long night.

-At the Ball-

I walked into the ballroom. Even though I was one of the people who decorated it, it still took my breath away.

The ceiling showed the scenery of a starry night with a crescent moon, contrasting with the floating candles along the wall.

I was wearing a black satin floor length gown, one strap, my face decorated with silver eye shadow and a clear lip gloss.

From my right, Draco took my arm and whispered out of the corner of his mouth, "Ready for this?"

We walked out to the dance floor. "Ready as I'll ever be. You?"

From behind us, Dumbledore's voice rang out. "And to start off our dance…"

"I'm nervous as hell."

"…is our very own…"

"Me too."

"…head boy and girl."

"We hide it well."

The soft music started as I took his hand. We began dancing.

The whole time, I was happy and nervous at the same time. I looked up at his face, only to find that he was staring at me. I heated up and looked down again.

He really was the perfect guy. Smart, funny, sweet, nice (now), even rich. But he was Serena's. My friend's boyfriend. So close yet as far away as imaginably possible.

We kept dancing. Soon, my head was on his chest and everyone was dancing so we just blended in.

As soon as the song ended, we let go of each other.

"Well, thanks," I said, feeling the blush on my cheeks.

"No problem. Hey, remember to save a dance for me again later on." He smiled at me.

"Of course. Now get back to your date." As much as I hated to say that, I had to. I couldn't let myself fall for him any longer. It completely wouldn't work out.

But did that really mean I had to push him away?

He laughed good- naturedly and replied, "Good idea. See you later."

He walked off, making me feel very left out in the dust.

Soon after, Harry walked up to me and put out his hand. "Dance, fair lady?"

I smiled at this. "Naturally, good sir." We walked out to the dance floor, and he put his arms around me.

"I know you liked him, Hermione," he whispered after a while, almost inaudibly into my ear, catching me completely off guard.

"What are you talking about, Harry?" I whispered back to him nervously.

He chuckled. "'Mione, 'Mione, 'Mione. You may have fooled everyone, but you know you can't fool your best friend, namely me."

I paused for a second. "What exactly do you know?"

He chuckled again, but then got serious. "I know it breaks your heart whenever he talks about Serena." He twirled me.

"I know you try not to stare at him during classes and mealtimes." I gulped.

"I also know that you're trying to be a good friend and not get more involved then you already are." I bit back my tears.

The song ended. "I don't know what you're talking about, Harry." I think a tear just fell. Damn me.

He looked at me solemnly. "I'm sorry, Hermione. But listen," he tilted my head up. "You don't have to always think about other people. Sometimes, it's okay to be a little selfish."

I managed a weak smile. "Not in this case, Harry. I don't think I'm allowed to be selfish at the moment."

I subtly headed toward the doors of the ballroom. It was no use. I had to run. If I didn't want to degrade myself by letting everyone see my cry, I had to run.

As soon as I got out of there, I full on sprinted toward the lake. One place I was guaranteed to be alone.

-Hogwarts Lake-

As much as I hated myself for it, I was crying over him. I was completely acting like Pavarti, crying my eyes out for some man.

I kept repeating Harry's words over and over again in my mind.

"_You may have fooled everyone…"_

"…_Breaks your heart…"_

"…_You try not to stare at him during classes and mealtimes…"_

"…_Trying to be a good friend…"_

"_It's okay to be a little selfish sometimes."_

And then I thought about what I said back to him.

"_Not in this case."_

Why wasn't it okay? I mean, Serena is my friend and all, but what if this wasn't just some little hormonal driven infatuation like I once thought it was? What if it was something real? The basis definitely wasn't like Pavarti's. And the absolute worst part was: I could never even get a chance.

So I would probably never know what would have happened if I _did_ decide to be a little selfish and step up. Because I would never be able to gather that courage.

So much for being a Gryffindor.

"Hermione!" I heard a voice behind. It was Draco. I quickly wiped away all of my tears, even though it probably wouldn't help a thing, seeing as my face was a dead giveaway that I had been crying.

"Hey, are you okay?" I refused to look at him. It would be beyond humiliating if he knew the truth.

I gathered up my voice to answer him. "Of course. I just needed some air. No worries. Go back to the dance, okay?"

"Are you sure? Because, for a second back there, I thought you had been crying." Thank Merlin it was night time.

I faked a laugh. "Why would I cry?"

"I don't know. I thought that Potter had something to do with it, so I asked him, but he didn't say anything." I need to remember to thank him.

"Well, I'm okay." An awkward silence.

"Will you look at me?" I slowly tilted my head up to meet his eyes.

Huge mistake.

First of all, I always go crazy for those eyes. Second of all, he got a good look at my face.

"You _have_ been crying." Damn him.

"It was _nothing._ So we can drop it now." He kept staring at me. I stared back.

Next thing I knew we were both leaning into each other and our lips met for the second time. It was a repeat of the Gryffindor common room party. His hands were running through my hair and I was clinging on to his shoulders from the back.

I opened my eyes and realized what I was doing. I was kissing my friend's boyfriend!

I pulled away abruptly. "I- I am so sorry." I took a step backwards.

"Hermione-" He took a step forwards, toward me.

"No, no. You- you just- you just go back to your date, okay?" I felt another surge of tears threatening to fall.

"Wait-" He again started toward me, but I already fled toward the school, heading up to my room.

Once I got there, I threw myself onto my bed and just let the night's events overtake me.

_What have I done?_


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

-Next Day-

Thank Merlin he didn't try to wake me up from when he got back last night. Right when I heard the common room portrait door open, I jumped into my bed and pretended to sleep. I just couldn't face him. I'm a coward, I know.

What the bloody hell was I thinking? I knew he was taken. I knew I shouldn't have leaned in.

WHAT THE BLOODY HELL WAS WRONG WITH ME?

I thought I was supposed to get over him! I said so to myself right before the ball! Well, what happened?

I wish I never danced with Harry. I wish I didn't run out to the lake. I wish that stupid gut didn't follow me.

This is the part where I'm supposed to say I wish I didn't kiss him, but that would be lying. I really liked it.

But that doesn't mean that I don't regret it.

But that doesn't mean that I would have taken it back.

I am such a bad person.

This morning, I made sure to get up extra early so I wouldn't have to run into him. I was successful. At 5: 45 in the morning, I was up and about, heading down to the kitchens to get an early breakfast.

After eating, I had basically nothing to do. So I went out to Hogwarts Lake again. This time, I was going to run as soon as _anyone_ calls my name out.

I sat down and let my eyes rest on the sunrise. It was barely 6: 30. Maybe

5: 45 was too a bit too early? Well, at least I could use the time to sort out my thoughts.

Really, what possessed me to kiss him last night? I mean, I knew it was wrong of me. What would Serena do if she found out? She said I was the best friend she had at the moment.

Well, I sure as hellwasn't going to keep that title if I kept this up.

On top of that, I probably totally and completely demolished the friendship Draco and I had built up over the months. What was _wrong _with me?

What also tanks is the fact that he doesn't even like me in that _way._ He has a _girlfriend, _for God's sake. And she was my _friend_. What was I to do now?

As I was staring off into nothing, someone sat down by me.

I didn't look at the person. I didn't have to. There was only one other person I knew that would be up this early on a Saturday.

"Hello, Harry."

He smiled. "Good morning." It was? "How are you feeling?"

I didn't smile back. "Pretty dreadful at the moment." I looked at him and broke into a playful grin. "And it's all your fault."

He feigned a taken aback expression. "Me? How could it have been me?"

I laughed lightly.

"But seriously, Hermione. What happened?"

I told him the whole story. Even though we hadn't been that close this year, deep down, he was still my best friend who wouldn't tell a soul my secrets. Or else he wouldn't have seen through my cheerful facade and saw how much I had been hurting.

At the end of the story, we both stayed silent.

Then, "What are you going to do?"

"I really don't know, Harry. I really don't know."

-Sunday-

I had still managed to avoid Draco. But sooner or later, he's gonna find me, and I'll be forced to talk to him. I'm not thick, I know that.

But I pick later.

-Monday-

Potions class.

I had been dreading it ever since the weekend. Ever since I realized that I would have to sit next to and work with the person whose boyfriend I had kissed without their knowing of the whole situation. How will my conscience survive?

Or worse, what if she _does _know?

What if Draco had told her? I can just imagine it now.

"_What did you run out for, Draco?" Serena would ask._

"_Oh, not much. Except for wiping the slobber off my lips when Hermione kissed me." _

"_What? That whore kissed you?" _

_He would laugh lightly, like it was some funny joke._

"_Don't worry, sweet. That meant nothing to me. I love you, remember?" He would pull her close to him and they would start in on a passionate embrace._

"Hermione? Hermione!" I snapped out of my little day- mare by Ron's voice. "Come on, we need to go to Potions!"

I gulped.

Maybe I could tell Madame Pomfrey that I don't feel well…

-Potions Class-

"Hey Hermione." I was so nervous I was barely able to talk back to her.

"Hello, Serena." I hope that sounded convincing. But my voice was a little shaky. She looked at me oddly.

"Anything wrong?" I inwardly sighed with relief. She didn't know. Draco didn't tell her.

At the thought of Draco, my head turned toward his table. He looked as great as ever. I wondered if he was in as much disarray as I was.

He looked up. I quickly pretended to scan the room, embarrassed to be caught staring. He probably knew that I was looking though. He knew me too much to not know.

I turned my attention back to Serena. "Nothing. Nothing's wrong at all."

After class, I saw Draco coming toward me, probably to talk. Needless to say, I fell into a state of panic.

I grabbed my books without putting them into my backpack first and practically sprinted out of the dungeons.

On my way out, I heard the voice of Blaise Zambini, presumably Draco's best Slytherin friend, say, "Looks like someone doesn't wanna talk to you, mate."

-Head Common Room-

Thank God that classes were over for the day. I was about keel over from exhaustion and stress.

But what could I do here? I mean, it wasn't like I could have privacy here. I shared the room with the man I was trying to avoid, for Merlin's sake!

Could I move into the Gryffindor girl dormitories for a while? I'm sure they wouldn't mind. But then again, that seems a bit much, doesn't it?

I heard the portrait door open from the other room. Forget _a bit much_. My world was in utter turmoil at the moment!

I looked around for a possible escape. The balcony. I ran out to it and shut the door behind me.

Immediately, I felt better. Still nervous, mind you, but better. Draco almost never went out here. And he didn't know that I went into the room yet.

So I was safe for the time being.

Here was another chance to sort out my thoughts. I seem to have been doing that a lot lately.

Why exactly am I avoiding him? Well, that's a stupid question. I _kissed_ him. More importantly, I kissed him while he was still with my _friend_.

And what would I say if I did talk to him anyway? That it was a total mistake and I would appreciate it of we could still be friends?

Huh. That's actually not such a bad idea.

Bugger! I hear the door handle start to jiggle. What the hell? He never comes out here! Damn it. What was I going to do?

I looked up. There was a little handle hold I could grab onto to get on the roof. Was that a little drastic?

The door was unlocked. Who cares about drastic? I was going up there.

Right as I got my whole body up, the door flew wide open.

"Damn door. Always trouble," I heard him mutter. Despite myself, I had the undeniable urge to giggle. I held it in, thankfully.

He sighed and walked toward the ledge. For a while, he just looked at the scenery, most likely thinking. His face kept showing different emotions, first sad, then confused, then indifferent, then happy, then back to confused.

Then, unexpectedly, he got very frustrated and kicked the chair next to him. I jumped from where I was sitting.

"Damn!" he said aloud. He stood out there for another twenty minutes or so. Ashamed as I am to admit it, I never got tired of looking at him. His face features were sharpened by the setting sun, his hair a little messy from the day's events and how he kept pulling at them out of frustration.

I felt like crying when I thought about his lips, and how they were on mine just a few days ago.

I felt like crying even more when I thought about how they were probably constantly, _frequently, _on Serena's.

Pretty soon, after one last look at nature's display, he walked back inside. I let out a breath of relief. Finally.

I jumped down to the solid ground, making sure to be quiet. I lost my balance. I closed my eyes, preparing for a painful fall.

Before this could happen, I was caught by a pair of strong arms.

"Found you, Hermione."

"Damn it."


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

-Continued-

I'm in some deep shit. He caught me. SHIT! What am I supposed to say to him?

"Well Hermione, after successfully avoiding me for the past few days, you are going to talk to me and I am not letting go of you until then." I looked at his hands holding onto my arms. There was no escape.

"Um, well…" What was I to do? I was trapped.

Okay, I knew I was going to talk to him sooner or later, but I never imagined that I would be in this situation, with us on the balcony with a romantic setting, him holding onto me tightly by the wrist.

"Yes?" I could tell he was amused. Stupid bastard.

I stuttered for a couple more seconds until I guess he got impatient.

"Listen, Hermione, about the kiss…" I gulped. "I know it meant nothing, that it was just one of those spur of the moment things…"

That was a burn.

He continued, not knowing this was hurting me. "But that doesn't mean we shouldn't keep being friends, you know? Just because of one insignificant kiss…"

Ouch.

"And we have nothing more then a platonic relationship, and you are nothing more to me then a really good friend."

Bastard! Alright, I know that he wasn't doing anything wrong, but I was mad and hurt at the time.

Couldn't he see the tears welling up in my eyes? Couldn't he! I turned away from him. He kept talking.

"So the kiss was nothing. Just a small, stupid, mistake. And don't worry, I know you don't feel for me like that so-"

I cut him off, unable to stand it any longer. "Shut the bloody hell up, will you?" He looked shocked. "You're fucking wrong, okay? It was more then nothing. At least it was to me. I like you!" I'm guessing that by now, tears were streaming from my eyes.

"I- I like you t- too…" It was his turn to stutter.

"Oh shut your trap! You know bloody well what I mean! You might think the kiss was just a stupid mistake, but to me, it was more, okay!" I was in deep, but I couldn't turn back now.

All of a sudden, he pulled me to him and kissed me deeply. Third time. This is wrong, I told myself. I didn't stop, though.

After a minute, I had to pull away.

We both stayed silent for some time. Then I said quietly, "I hate you for making me feel like this."

"Like what?" He asked just as quietly.

I ran a hand through my hair and sighed. "Like a pathetic little girl who's an open book. Like someone who would like her friend's boyfriend. Like a total bitch."

After more silence, he asked, "Do you really hate me?"

"I wish to God that I could. Anything would be better then this."

"Hermione-" I ran inside, not wanting him to see me at the point of sobbing. No, I might have been pretty pitiful right then, but I wasn't going to give anyone the ability to say that they saw me, Hermione Granger, at her lowest.

I ran out of the common room, down the stairs, out of the castle, and down to the lake.

-Hogwarts Lake-

I was crying. How sad. But I couldn't help myself. I doubt anyone could.

Why did he kiss me again? Making me feel a nonexistence ray of hope. It was plain cruel.

Why was life so hard? No matter what, things just couldn't be perfect, even for a fragment of a second. There would always be problems, things to make us unhappy. I hated it.

No one knew this, but I had seriously contemplated suicide many times before. I would sit by my desk, depressed and crying, thinking about how maybe the pain just wasn't worth it. I know what life is. Maybe it was time to know what death is?

But then I would see the photographs of Harry and Ron, my parents, and all my girlfriends, and I would never be able to go through with it. My conscience wouldn't let me.

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't kill myself over merely Draco, it was my life in general. From the surface, I know, I look so happy, so content. But inside, I was in constant sadness. It was especially overbearing this year. The fact that I was the bookworm, one- third of the golden trio, a mudblood; it all made me seem extremely ordinary and unoriginal.

This wasn't right. I was Hermione Granger. _Hermione Granger._ This, right here, was not Hermione Granger. This pile of mess was not the strong, kept Hermione Granger I was for the past seventeen years. This was not someone I was familiar with.

I stopped crying and sat up straight. I wiped my face as well as I could, and headed back inside, feeling a newfound resolve. Why should I feel this way? What made Draco so special that he could demote me to this? Nothing. No one should be able to.

It was infuriating. I was not going to be like this. No. I lifted my chin, kept it up, and walked inside, feeling stronger.

He was _not _going to get the best of me. No one was.

No one should.

-Tuesday-

When I went back to the common room late last night, it was 3 am. I could tell that Draco had tried to wait up to talk to me, because he was one the couch, lying down with crossed arms. I had to smile at the picture in front of me.

I took a Slytherin blanket, thought about it, and then put it down. I picked up the Gryffindor blanket and put it on him. I tread to the room, took my things, and went to the Gryffindor girl dormitories to sleep.

Obviously, this morning, the girls had questions for me. I simply told them that we changed the password and I forgot it.

"That's not like you, Hermione." Ginny didn't believe me, but dropped it after she met my tired gaze.

We headed down to the great hall for breakfast. Harry and Ron were already there.

"Morning, 'Mione," they said simultaneously.

I smiled weakly back as a response. I guess I was pretty out of it, because they looked at me strangely, and Ron questioned me.

"Hermione, are you okay?" he asked me tentatively.

"Yeah, of course I am, why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know, Hermione, you look a mess."

"Gee thanks," I replied sarcastically.

"I have to agree with Ron." Harry peered at me suspiciously. "You've been crying, haven't you?"

How did he know? I caught a look in the mirror. Oh. My eyes were slightly swollen looking, and although it wasn't really noticeable, if you looked close enough, it was guessable.

"Harry," I whispered. "It's nothing. Drop it."

"No", he answered defiantly. And considerably louder then I was.

I narrowed my eyes dangerously at him. "Drop it."

"Tell me why." He could be so insensitive. But he was not going to win.

"Harry, you better shutup before I make you shutup."

He looked at me. "Make me shutup."

I grabbed a piece of toast, and turned to everyone. "I'm going to the library. See you all later." I took my bag by one strap and walked to the door, glaring at Harry, daring him to follow me. He didn't.

On my way out, my eyes caught Draco's. My stomach clenched. I looked away and pushed open the door.

I felt a sense of security once I reached the library. The familiar smell of the dusty books and the hominess comforted me. I walked to my favorite armchair and sat down with a book. I wasn't really reading, but the position made me feel better. I felt like the old me again, unlike the last day at the lake.

Looking back on it, I felt really silly. This was the way I always felt soon after a crying session. I felt like I had cried for juvenile and sophomoric reasons. Really Hermione, I scolded myself, crying for some boy? You should be ashamed.

After about half and hour, Professor McGonagall appeared at the doorway of the library.

"Ms. Granger. There you are. You must report to the headmaster's office. Immediately." She looked very stiff. I mean, she was usually stiff, but this was different. It worried me.

-Headmaster's Office-

"Ah, Ms. Granger. Take a seat." Dumbledore's usually cheerful face was unnaturally grave.

I sat down. "Excuse me, Headmaster, but what is this all about?"

He cleared his throat. "There was a deatheater attack. It is my displeasure to inform you, Hermione, that it was in your neighborhood."

I couldn't speak. This could not be happening. I couldn't breathe.

A tear slipped from his cheek. Professor McGonagall, standing next to him, was wiping at her eyes with a handkerchief.

"Your father is in the hospital. He will be healed. But…"

"No…" It was getting difficult to breathe.

"You mother…" He paused.

"What happened to my mother?" I asked him. He said nothing.

"WHAT HAPPENED TO MY MOTHER?" I was yelling at the headmaster. I didn't care. All I cared about at that moment was my mom.

"She did not make it."

Tears cascaded down my cheeks. I crumpled to the floor. I couldn't compute this into my mind. I pulled at my hair. I sank into a fetal position, my chin on my knees.

"Hermione-" Professor McGonagall stepped toward me, but I got up and fled out of the room.

I ran. I had no idea where I was headed, but I didn't care. I was sobbing. I was sobbing harder then I had ever in my life. I felt like my heart had been wrenched out of me and shot into pieces.

I ran down the hall, desperate to think of a place I could be alone. On my way, I bumped into someone.

"Wha- Hermione?" It was Harry. I looked up at him miserably. He saw my tear- stained face and asked, "Hermione, what's wrong?"

I tore away from him and ran out of the school, again headed toward the lake.

"Hermione!" I heard him call out my name, but before he could come after me, the students came out of class, separating us.

I could not register this. How could she- my mother- be gone? It wasn't possible.

"WHAT DID I DO?" I yelled at the sky.

What did I do? What did _she _do? I would never hear her voice again, scolding me or reading a story to me at night when I was young. How I longed to hear her scold me now.

It was not supposed to happen this way. She was supposed to live to be old, to see her grandchildren. I would never feel her arms around me again. I would never see her again.

I never even said goodbye to her when I left for Hogwarts.

_FLASHBACK_

"_Hermione! You have to go to Hogwarts." We had fought the night before. It was a rather large fight, and I was still angry. _

"_Yeah, I'm going. I'll write." I grabbed my things and my keys and went to my car. _

"_Well, goodbye." I heard her call to me, but I ignored her. I drove off, giving her no farewell. _

_FLASKBACK END_

How I regret that now. Oh, how I incredibly regret it. I didn't even get to write her. I was too caught up with Hogwarts to remember. How could I do that to her?

My heart ached. I let out huge sobs, being drowned in my memories of her. There would be no more making new memories with her. There was no more future with her.

It was like a physical pain, this feeling. I had never lost anyone close to me before, not in this way. She was my mother. She would always be my mother. The woman who gave birth to me. It wasn't right.

"Why couldn't it have been me?" I sobbed into my knees. I looked around frantically. I felt some sort of craving I wasn't familiar with. It scared me. I tugged at my hair. I punched the tree until my knuckles started bleeding. I didn't know what to do. I felt some sort of crazed sensation I had never experienced before. It was driving me crazy.

I collapsed. Tears were still flowing out of my eyes. I closed them. An image of her filled my mind. It pained me. But I kept my eyes closed.

-9: 30 pm-

I had stopped sobbing by now, but once in a while, a tear would leak from my eye. I didn't want to move. Why should I?

But I reluctantly got up and trudged into the school, up the stairs, and into the head common room.

Draco was there. I couldn't care less. He looked at me. Needless to say, I was a mess.

Instantly, he was worried. "Hermione, what happened? If it was what happened between us-"

I stopped him from continuing by raising a hand. "It's not that." My voice was choked and I didn't sound like me.

"What is it then?" I shook my head, I wasn't ready to talk about it. I started toward the bedroom, but he grabbed my arm.

"What happened?" he asked firmly.

"Nothing! Please, just leave me alone!" I was on the verge of sobbing again. He looked very much taken aback.

I ran to the room, slamming the door behind me, and fell on the bed, crying my eyes out.

How I missed her already.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

-Wednesday-

Sunlight streamed though my window, waking me up from a restful sleep. My head hurt.

I got up from the bed groggily and looked down. Why was I still in my uniform robes?

All of a sudden, everything from yesterday came rushing back at me. The kiss. The deatheater attack. My mother's death. Draco.

I fell back onto the bed, on the verge of bursting into tears again. I was overcome with such a feeling of hopelessness that I couldn't even describe it.

I turned over and looked at my alarm clock. 1: 23 pm.

WHAT?

Why didn't anyone wake me? I was going to be late for classes!

I started to change into new robes when I stopped myself. Why should I care? My mother died and I'm worried about classes? What was wrong with me? I sat back on the bed again and sank down to the floor to shed a few tears. Surprisingly, they didn't come. Perhaps I was all cried out from yesterday.

I decided to go down to the Great Hall for lunch anyway. I was hungry.

As soon as I opened the doors and stepped inside, all the talking stopped. How curious. It was quite uncomfortable, actually. A couple of third year Hufflepuffs, on their way out, stopped in front of me and just gawked.

I scowled. What was their deal? "Well? What are you staring at?" I demanded. They quickly scampered away.

I took my usual seat at the Gryffindor table where, irritatingly, everyone was still staring at me. Was that sympathy I saw in their eyes?

Oh shit. They knew.

I slammed my fist on the table and stood up. They looked shocked. "What the bloody hell are you all looking at? Well? Someone care to enlighten me?"

"Uh, Hermione…" Harry and Ron pulled my arm and pulled me out of the out of the great hall before I could protest.

"What are-" Before I could finish my sentence, they shoved a paper into my face and hastily looked away.

It was the Daily Prophet. With a front page heading on a deatheater attack.

With its own article on my mother and me.

_**Deatheaters Strike!**_

_Just a few days ago, there was a Deatheater attack on a small muggle neighborhood. Evidently, one of the victims was Anna Granger, a muggle parent of Hermione Granger, Head Girl of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Her body was found in a mangled mess in the destroyed house. After thorough inspection, healers have informed us that the woman had gone through extreme measures of torture, consisting of the Crucio Curse…_

I didn't read any further. I dropped the paper and fell into my friends' tight embraces sobbing, mental images of my mother going through torture during her last moments of life running in my mind.

-Hogwarts Lake-

"Are you alright now, 'Mione?" Ron asked softly.

I sniffed one last time and lifted my head up somewhat proudly. "Yes. I'm fine." They both looked at each other and smiled at this.

"Hermione…" Harry started, looking at me with sad eyes. "It's okay to be sad and… cry." Ron nodded enthusiastically.

I chuckled dryly. "I _am_ sad. Heart- broken. But I think I've cried enough for one lifetime, don't you?"

They kept looking at me. "No," Ron spoke up. "No, I don't think you have. Your mother just died, Hermione. I think you deserve to cry for as long as you feel like it."

I shook my head, remembering the departure from my muggle home at the end of the summer. "No, Ron. I don't deserve anything."

Harry sighed. He put his hand on mine. "Well, remember, if you ever need to talk or just to cry, come to us. Okay?" I offered a miniscule smile. He gladly returned it.

"Okay. Don't worry about it." I got up and hugged the two of them tightly. "I really love you guys. Really." I felt tears pricking at the back of my eyes again.

"We love you too, 'Mione."

-Head Common Room-

I stared at the picture. She looked so free. So lost in her book. Like she was in a whole other world completely. How I wished to be in that picture with her.

"Hey," said a voice behind me.

"Hi," I said back to it subconsciously.

"What are you doing?"

"Just looking at a picture." I grazed the frame with my thumb.

"Your mother?" The voice was right next to my ear now. I jumped around.

"Draco!"

"Yes?" He was slightly amused.

"Merlin. Don't sneak up on me like that." My heart was still pounding.

"Like what? You were talking to me already." True.

"Oh. Sorry." This was getting uncomfortable.

"No need to apologize." He looked at the picture.

"Is that your mum?" He inquired. I smiled slightly, eyes rested on the photo again, and nodded.

"She's pretty. She looks like you." I was surprised at this.

"You think so?" He nodded. After that, we both stayed silent.

How awkward.

"I'm sor-"

"Stop." I covered his mouth with my hand before he could get the whole word out. "I don't want pity. Okay?" I dropped my hand.

"I can understand that." I put down the picture.

Another silence.

"I broke up with Serena."

My reflex was dropping my jaw. Unattractive, indeed.

Shock. Utter shock.

I turned to him, all my problems forgotten. "Are you kidding me?" He shook his head, signifying a no. Finally I said, "Are you out of your mind!"

He looked at me. "Huh?" was all he could muster.

"She will be heartbroken! What were you thinking? She's the best anyone could ever do! I thought you liked her! I-"

He kissed me. Again. All the anger and confusion vanished without a trace from my body. All I could think about was his lips on my lips, his hands on my waist, my hands in his hair.

After a minute or two, I pulled away for air.

"I'm sorry," he said right way. "I didn't mean to do that now, the day after you find out about your mother, but I really couldn't-"

This time I pulled him in. By the tie. I could have just leaned into him, but I had always wanted to do that.

Reality revealed its ugly self. In little points. I was kissing Draco. Again. Serena's boyfriend. Scratch that, ex- boyfriend. But it was less then 24 hours. Between breakup _and_ finding out about my mother's death. Whatever the time was, it was still wrong.

I hastily pushed him away. I turned away from him and ran a hand through my hair and pulled slightly, something I was accustomed to doing at strenuous times like these.

I turned back around and faced him again. "You spring this on me now?"

He shrugged. "I'm sor-"

"No! Shutup!" I stopped him. "God, I never want to hear those words again!"

"Hermione-" He took a small step in my direction.

"No! You- we- can't do this! We can't do this to Serena! She's my friend. And after all this stuff with my mum…" I swallowed.

"Well, if you don't want me to apologize, I don't now what to say."

After a while, I asked, "Do you like me? As in non- platonic feelings?" Was I hoping for a yes or a no? I couldn't be sure.

"Yes. For a while now." My head snapped back to look at him.

"What? How long?"

"Yule Ball," he said simply. The kiss.

"Oh Merlin." I shook my head. "Are you serious?"

He nodded solemnly. "More serious then I've ever been in my life."

I leaned against the wall for support. I looked down and shook my head again. "Oh Draco. Draco, Draco, Draco…"

"What?" He stepped toward me.

I ducked away and started to go. He grabbed my arm and pulled me to him, my back on his front.

"You're not going anywhere. Every time we get into something important, you try to run away. Well, we are going to finish this until the end and that's that."

I looked at my feet, feeling emotions boil up. I hated this. I loved this. I was so confused. My mother died without me saying goodbye. Draco kissed me. Serena was probably devastated. Harry and Ron wanted me to always talk to them. Draco and I would never work out.

Draco and I would never work out. His family was all about pureblooded marriages. He was Slytherin. I was Gryffindor. End of story.

Why couldn't he have stayed with Serena? Everything would have been so much easier.

I wanted him to be happy. More then anything else. Could I make him happy? Probably not. I don't exactly reach all the requirements. What was this feeling I had for him?

All these thoughts passed through my head in a millisecond. "Draco. Go back to Serena. It would make everything easier." Were my eyes filling up with tears? I hope not.

"Why are you basing your decisions upon _her_ feelings? What about your feelings? You know, you're_ allowed _tobe a little selfish sometimes!"

At those words, I had a flashback to what Harry said to me at the Yule Ball.

_You don't have to always think about other people. Sometimes, it's okay to be a little selfish._

I blinked.

"I don't love her." Love? Was that what you called it?

"We are seventeen, Draco. What do we know about love?"

He stared at me. "You might not realize it yet, but I know it already. I lo-"

I widened my eyes and shushed him. "Don't' say it, Draco! I'm begging you, don't say it!"

"Why the bloody hell not!" He threw his hands up exasperatedly. "It's completely true!"

I clenched my jaw. "Stop it, Draco. I cannot handle it. Why do you have to admit all this when my life is already in such turmoil? I don't love you!"

I immediately regretted my choice of words, as he stood in front of me, stony silent.

"Look me in the eyes and say that again," he said quietly. I lifted my gaze up to meet his.

Again, there were those piercing blue eyes, stormy with emotion. I literally felt my knees buckling.

However, I stood strong. "I-" I cleared my throat once and said, stronger this time, "I don't love you."

He nodded at me and calmly walked out of the room, shutting the portrait gently behind him.

To my surprise, tears had already begun to work their way down my cheeks.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

-June-

"So, Hermione, what are you going to talk about in the speech at graduation?" Harry smirked playfully at me while I reached for the cereal.

It was true. As head girl, I had to give a speech for the whole school. Usually, I would be nervous and start sweating right when I hear the mention of it. But today, something else was again on my mind.

I looked across the great all at the Slytherin table. There was Draco.

Even now, I couldn't compute what happened all those months ago. He said he loved me. But I didn't say it back.

Why didn't I say it back? Maybe it was because it was a challenge to me. He was challenging me to say I didn't love him while looking into his eyes. It was a horrible excuse for lying.

Wait- was I lying? I wasn't sure. Did I love him? What _is _love, anyway?

All my life, I had thought my peers naïve to say "I love you" so lightly. We were young. We knew nothing of love. Yet they said it everyday to their girl/ boyfriends. At that time, I was sure they didn't mean it.

But now, we were seventeen. Was that old enough?

All these months, Draco and I had kept a very tense acquaintanceship; no longer a friendship. I could no longer call him my friend. I often cried about that. He was my friend no more. Merely someone I was forced to interact with on a daily basis, while patrolling or planning events for the school.

After that fateful night, he only looked at me straight in the eye once. I should have cherished it.

It was the day after. He had looked at me and opened his mouth, as if he was going to say something. Before any words were given out, he closed it again, and merely looked me deeply in the eyes. I remember that I was very taken aback. We stayed like that for God knows how long. Then, he left.

I pulled myself out of my thoughts and turned toward Harry. "Yes, Harry, I'm giving a speech, but you don't need to remind me every chance you get just to shake me up."

He laughed. "I know. But it's fun."

I laughed right along with him. But my heart wasn't really in it.

-Head Common Room-

I was getting all my Potions books when Draco came in.

"Hello, Hermione." That was how he acknowledged me now. Very polite. Very stiff. Very forced.

I smiled sadly. "Hi, Draco." I wished that he would look at me.

He didn't. He merely nodded his head and walked out. It hurt so much. I sadly looked on. I sighed and walked out after him.

-Potions Class-

"Hey 'Mione. What's up?" asked Serena brightly, making me sulk even more in my depressed mood.

I forced a smile. "Not much. Let's get to work."

As for Serena, she came to me only an hour later that one day. I had to pretend to be all sympathetic when in reality, I wanted to break down myself.

We were still really close friends, even now.

"I like someone." That wasn't surprising. All week, she had been somewhat distracted. I talked to her about it once, but she swore up and down that there was nothing going on with her. Obviously, she wasn't being completely truthful.

For her enthusiasm, I acted shocked. "Really? Who's the lucky guy?"

"Justin Flint- Fletchy." Of course. That was so typical. He was another pretty- boy rich guy in Slytherin. An inferior Draco clone.

I have gotten so cynical over the years.

It seemed like all I ever did was lie and act now. Lie to save face, act to make others happy. It was a tiresome job, but it was one that I had applied to myself. I had no one else to blame.

I suppose I could have told Draco that I loved him. It would have been the easy way. But how could I say something like that when I wasn't even sure? Looking back at this moment, I believe that I was right in doing what I did. Any other girl would have said that she loved him, even if she was feeling what I was.

I have never been any other girl.

"That's great, Serena. What are you going to do about it?" I got straight to the point.

She giggled girlishly. "I don't know yet. I kind of hoped that that's where you would come in?" She looked at me hopefully. I gave in.

"Yes!" She was happy.

I wasn't.

-One Week Before Graduation-

I was supposed to meet Draco to talk about the speeches.

Naturally, I was nervous as hell. Just like I was when I had to spend alone time with him.

Only this time, I was nervous because I had made a vow to myself. I said that I would talk to him about what had happened those months ago. This time, I would make him talk to me. This time, I would make him look me in the eye.

If he didn't, I would just have to grab him by the collar and shake him until he says something meaningful.

Or I'd pull him in by the tie and snog him senseless.

Whichever is more appropriate.

At 7: 00 pm, I walked to the library to face him.

-Library-

As soon as I sat down beside him, he got straight to business. "Okay, I think we should talk about similar things, but not too similar that the people know that we planned it, but-"

"Draco." That was all it took to stop his blabbering.

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. I believe he acquired that habit from me.

He looked up at me. "Why?" he asked after a brief silence.

"Why what?" I asked although I knew exactly what he was talking about.

He shot me a look that told me that he knew that I knew.

This time, I sighed. "I don't know, Draco. I wasn't really ready. I didn't know what it meant. I still don't."

He nodded. "I guess."

I guess? I GUESS?

That was all he had to say? After avoiding me for months and stopping our friendship, he says I GUESS?

Well, that just wouldn't do at all.

I calmed myself down before questioning, "Why did we stop being friends?"

He shook his head. "How can you even ask that question? Can you just imagine my situation? I had just told you I loved you-" I winced. "- and you say that you didn't."

"But," I started weakly. "I don't know if I told the truth." I said it in a whisper, barely audible, but he could hear it.

He looked up, with the distinct expression of hopefulness. Could it be that he still felt the same way after all this time?

"Really?" he asked tentatively.

"But I'm not sure. I mean, if I really did-" I gulped. "- love you, shouldn't I be positive about it?"

I continued. "I don't know about love, Draco, but I do know that I have feelings for you. Isn't that enough?"

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair again.

After a very long and awkward silence, he spoke. But it wasn't what I wanted to hear.

"Let's get to work on the speeches."

I felt tears pricking at the corners of my eyes. How I wanted to shake him up and kiss him right there. But my pride got in the way, so I just said, "Yeah."

-Graduation-

I had been practicing and perfecting my speech all week. I could memorize it. As for Draco, I had no idea.

Ever since that night, we haven't talked at all. It was torture. When we went patrolling together, we would be walking in constant silence.

I cried afterwards every time.

"Are you nervous?" A voice brought me back to where I was, which was in the great hall, everything decorated by us and the prefects, about to graduate from Hogwarts.

I felt tears threatening to fall again. I didn't want o leave Hogwarts. It was my home. It was where I excelled every year without problem. I was going to miss it terribly.

I turned to the voice, and the owner of it surprised me. It was Draco. After a full week, he spoke to me at last.

"As hell."

He nodded, still looking straight ahead, his eyes conveniently avoiding my area.

"Me as well."

Dumbledore began to speak. "Another year at Hogwarts is complete. However, for most of you, it is not the end. It is merely a beginning in disguise."

He specifically locked eyes with Harry. Everyone knew what this meant. The final battle was nearing.

Fear gripped my heart as I thought about that. I quickly switched the subject mentally.

"I hope that everyone here has learned as much as we hoped to teach. And I also hope that you will all make the right choices when they come along."

"Now, the head boy and girl will make a speech. Please give them your full attention."

Oh shit, this was so agitating. Thank goodness that Draco was going first.

Wait. What if his speech was mind blowing? And then mine really sucked in comparison? Oh no. I was screwed.

He stood up from where we were sitting. It was right next to the teachers, so we were sat higher up then the students.

"Ahem. Hello, everyone. I'm Draco Malfoy, as you all well know, the head boy."

"I think I can say for everyone that every year is special and, well… different here at Hogwarts." People murmured in agreement.

"For those 7th years, this is the last. After today, we're going to be dumped into the real world where teachers aren't there to save our arses. And I, personally, couldn't be more scared out of my trousers." I laughed along with everyone encouragingly.

"And I also want to give you all some advice. So listen up, because I'm not repeating it twice."

I leaned forward in my chair to hear this, because we definitely didn't plan that part.

"People always say 'Be a good person; do the right thing; think of others; karma; blah, blah, blah…' Well, that applies in some situations, but in other situations, that's total bull."

"The thing is, everything varies. We aren't those small clueless children we once were, reading fables with little morals in them. If we lay down the cold, hard facts, karma is nothing. Even if you are the most kind- hearted person in the world, at the war, you're still going to see someone you know, or even love, dead on the ground."

Everyone had grim faces on, seeing the truth in his words. Some people were already sniffling.

"Since we are all at risk to lose our lives here, whichever side you're on-" he looked at the Slytherins. "- we should live life to the fullest. Like it's your last day. Be assertive, but remember to think of others as well."

He turned toward me slightly, but enough for only me to know that he was going to speak to me through his speech in his next words.

I was right. He said, "We have to keep in our minds the fact that… it's alright to be selfish at times. If you aren't thinking of yourselves as well as others, you might as well be living their lives. That's all I have to say. Don't miss your chances."

He sat down as the room burst with applause.

At that moment, I think I realized something. Or maybe I knew for a while.

I loved him.

"Your turn, Hermione."

I gulped. I stood up slowly and apprehensively.

As I looked at Draco, Harry, Ron, and Dumbledore sitting in their seats waiting for my words, I decided on the spot that I was not going to give the speech I planned and practiced and perfected all week long.

I was going to wing it and say whatever was in my heart.

"Hello, everyone. As you all know, I'm Hermione Granger, your head girl."

I looked at Harry and Ron, who were both nodding supporting me mentally.

I had a bit more confidence. "Well, I originally planned a speech for you, but I think I'm just going to say what I am thinking now."

"As we all are aware of, the final battle is nearing at a terrifying speed. And Draco is right, we are going to see some loved ones die at our very feet. And it's not right. But I believe that none of us will back off, for that's what the person killing off everyone wants. Voldemort."

Many people shuddered. I paid them no attention and went on. "And I, for one, am _not_ going to surrender to his will for fear of his wrath. Because you know what? He is going to face _my _wrath. And you all know that my wrath is not something you want to face."

Everyone laughed lightly, agreeing to this.

"But in all seriousness, sooner or later, we are all going to leave this castle and enter adulthood. We will remember it dearly while we split into separate paths, some going into auror training, some becoming healers, others going to the Daily Prophet… and dare I say it, I'm assuming that some here will even take the dark mark."

The students nodded gravely, some of them peering over at the Slytherin table.

"The point is, we have to, like Draco said, live everyday like it's the last. We have to grab opportunities or else they might go away forever. It's not too late to change the future, as long as we really want it."

I sat down. There was silence. Then, the whole great hall erupted into a jumble of clapping, cheering, shouting, whooping, and, in Harry and Ron's cases, shouts of, "Go 'Mione!"

I smiled, relieved that it was over. I looked over at Draco, who was looking at me, impressed.

"We didn't plan any of that."

"I know."

"Good job."

"Let the feast begin!" Dumbledore shouted.

I looked at Draco deep into his blue eyes. I couldn't make anything out of them.

"Draco," I sighed. "Despite everything, I'm really going to miss you."

A corner of his mouth lifted, signifying a smile. "I'll miss you too."

I wanted him to say something more. Something about trying again and seeing if we would work out and snogging me senseless.

I continued our conversation in hope. "Well, it was too bad we stopped being close."

"Yeah. It _was_ too bad." He looked thoughtful for a second. "Do you think we would have been good together?"

"Maybe."

"Well, I guess we'll never know now. But hey, that's okay."

No! That's not okay! Ask me again! Ask me if I love you again!

Of course, I didn't say that. Dumb pride.

Instead, I merely nodded and said, "Yeah."

-Hogwarts Train-

"I'm going to miss you guys so much!" I wailed as I threw myself toward Harry and Ron.

They laughed and patted my back. "Hermione, we're all going to the same place after this. Remember? We're doing auror training, and you're going to research new spells for us."

I didn't respond; I just flung myself at Ginny and wailed at her.

After I had calmed down a bit, we all talked about our future and reminisced the past events.

"Remember the time you two saved me from that mountain troll in our first year?"

"Yeah, that was horrifying."

"Then I got troll snot all over my wand. Disgusting…"

We laughed the whole way.

-Platform-

"Last chance, Hermione." I spun around to face Harry.

"What do you mean, Harry?"

"I know you still like him. You know you still like him. Now why don't you let _him _know?"

I sighed. "Harry, you know me too well for my own good."

He smiled. "I know."

"Harry, my pride won't let me."

"Hermione," he looked at me sternly. "If you don't go now, he will be out of your life forever, and you're always going to regret it and wonder what would have happened. Do you want that?"

He was right. He was one hundred and one percent right. If I didn't tell him now, I would most likely never see him again in a lifetime.

"Harry, I'm so glad that you're my conscience." I hugged him and ran off to find Draco.

I ran through the crowds, all the while thinking about what I would say to him. I realize now that I love you? I think we should be together?

Oh, what the heck. I'll make it up as I go along.

I sighted him. His face filled my vision… as the car he was in drove away from me.

I tried to run after him; call after him; but he couldn't hear me.

I was too late.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

-Two Years Later-

People from all over the wizarding world were here, many of them very important people, including the Ministers of Magic from London, America, France, Bulgaria, Dumbledore, etc.

Yes, everyone was here, and for good reason. It _was_, after all, my best friend, the famous Harry Potter's funeral.

It was true. Harry died. In the final battle.

Don't fret, though. Voldemort died as well. They had both shouted, "Avada Kedavra!" at the same time, and when the smoke cleared away, their two bodies were found lifeless on the floor.

I myself had a front row view too. Everyone had stopped fighting when Harry and Voldemort began dueling. After many cuts and bruises, the dreaded words were uttered by both sides.

It was not supposed to happen like that. I felt a fresh wave of tears overcome me as I pondered. Harry was supposed to defeat Voldemort and after that, live a long happy life.

But no. Bloody fucking Voldemort had to kill him.

Harry was my best friend, brother, and my conscience. I had never fully appreciated him for those things. Looking back, I realized that even though I was the smarter one, he was much more mature. Hell, if I had taken his advice earlier, I might have been here with Draco instead of just my shadows.

As I sobbed alone, currently behind a large oak tree where no one could find me, I felt a tap on my shoulder.

I swiftly turned around, starting to wipe away my tears, when I saw that it was Ron.

Lord, he took it even worse then me. Here at the funeral, he put on a brave face, but when he first found out, he had completely broken down. I had never seen him in such disarray before, and it scared me.

"Hermione." His eyes were shining with unshed tears.

"Oh, Ron." I fell into his tight embrace. We both sunk to the floor, sobbing uncontrollably.

All three of us; me, Ron, and Harry; had turned somewhat softer since Hogwarts. I became less bossy and demanding, Ron's temper greatly lessened, and Harry, well, he was pretty much perfect the way he was.

The reason for this was because throughout the war, just as I had predicted, we saw uncountable close ones die under our very noses. Lavender Brown, Neville Longbottom, Colin and Denis Creevy, my _father,_ and worse of all for Ron, Luna. They had been going out for a full year and a half when a deatheater killed her off mercilessly. Ron was heartbroken.

But we were nothing like this. This was Harry. Our best friend. Our brother.

After a while, we got up from the dirt. I was still sniffling.

Ron gave me a small forced smile. "Well, we should get back."

I nodded wordlessly. He took my arm and we walked over to the cemetery.

-Cemetery-

"Hermione Granger and Ron Weasely? Please, tell us how you feel…"

"What is it like to have your best friend, Harry Potter, die like that…."

"How does it feel…"

"What are you thoughts on…"

I was about to start sobbing again. Ron saw this and roughly pushed everyone away.

I didn't appreciate all the reporters coming up to us, interrogating us. Couldn't they see that we were grieving!

Insensitive bastards.

The priest said a few words about Harry, and took out a wand. He muttered a spell under his breath and the white coffin Harry was in slowly lifted up and floated from the ground. I looked up in alarm. Surely they couldn't be taking him away from me already?

They were. I began to inwardly hyperventilate. When the coffin slowly started to descend into the hole, that's when I totally lost it.

"No!" I cried out. "Don't take him!" I started to run toward him in hopes of seeing his face one last time, but I felt arms hold me back. Ron.

I struggled. "Let me see him! I want to see him!"

I was sobbing freely now. "Please-" I choked out. "Why won't you let me see him?"

I turned toward Ron's direction, who was crying very hard now. I felt immediately guilty. He was handling himself. Why couldn't I?

I buried my face into his chest and cried, not being able to bear the sight of Harry's coffin being slowly buried in the dirt, signifying that he would never be with us again.

I held on to Ron for dear life as he comforted me with reassuring words and softly stroked my hair.

"It's going to be alright. Shh. I'm going to miss him too. But I'll always be here."

I lifted up my face to look at him. "Ron," I whimpered in a voice not like mine. "Don't ever leave me. You're all the family I have left."

More tears streamed from our eyes as I said this. He nodded and silently pulled me to his embrace again.

-Two Hours Later-

Finally, I was alone. All day, I had been fleeing reporters and people in general, afraid to receive their sympathy and pity. I didn't want that. All I wanted was to visit Harry.

I walked slowly over to his tombstone.

_Harry Potter_

_Great Hero, Best Friend, and Boyfriend_

_20 Years of Adventures_

"_Live life to its fullest; be selfish at times; be selfless at times."_

I shook my head. How I wished that I listened to him. I still loved Draco, after all this time. Of course, I didn't expect on seeing him anytime soon.

I sensed someone behind me. It was Ron.

He walked over to stand beside me and stared at the grave. I leaned my head on his shoulders.

"I miss him already." I felt tears coming again. "Ron, how are we going to survive without him?"

He shook his head at me. He grabbed my shoulders and shook me gently.

"We will, Hermione. We'll miss him terribly, of course, and the hurt will never go away, but we'll learn to accept it."

I smiled through my tears. "You're right. When did you get so wise?"

His cocky smirk took over his features. "It's a gift."

I laughed at him. He always could make me grin even in the most depressing situations, Much like this one.

We talked for a few hours, all the while sitting next to Harry's tombstone. At 9:00 pm, he stood up.

"Well, I better head back. To comfort Ginny, you know."

I said it was all right and to go ahead without me. I couldn't bare the thought of leaving Harry alone. Not yet.

After he walked off, I started talking to Harry. Yes, I know he was dead, but I couldn't help thinking that maybe he could hear me.

"I wish you didn't have to go, Harry. Now who's going to set me straight? Who's going to tell me what to do when I'm being incredibly thick? Who's going to tell Ron to stop stealing all my food?"

Soon, it was 12:00 am. But how could I leave Harry here all alone? The thought itself made me shed a few tears.

"I don't want to leave you, Harry." All of a sudden, I got very angry. "THEN WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME? WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME HERE ALL ALONE? YOU SAID YOU WOULD NEVER! WHY?"

I fell onto his little mound, sobbing once again.

"It's not good for a pretty girl like yourself to be alone here at night."

A voice broke me out of my thoughts. I shot up. I peered closely at the figure coming toward me.

"Who are you?" I croaked, my voice scratched from crying so much. The fog was very hard to see through.

"Aw, 'Mione. Don't tell me that you don't remember me." I sensed a pout.

It was a man. I looked even closer, and widened my eyes.

"Draco!" I whispered?

It was unmistakably him. Platinum blonde hair, well- toned body, and though I couldn't see it, I knew that those blue eyes were there.

"The one and only." He then looked sadly at the grave. He shook his head, as if saying in his motions, _the world is so wrong._

He looked back at me. "Are you alright?"

I looked from the grave to him. I miserably shook my head as tears found their way down my cheeks.

"Aw, Hermione." He kneeled down in the dirt with me and put his arms around me and pulled me into a deep hug.

I cried and cried and cried, for God knows how long. All I knew was that maybe, just maybe, Harry was somewhere up there saying, _I told you so, Hermione, you daft girl. Remember, its okay to be selfish sometimes. Didn't I say that? Yes, I believe I did… _


	12. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

-4 Years Later-

"Okay, I'm ready. How do I look?"

I turned around to face Ginny, Serena, and Pavarti and waited for the verdict.

A bunch of compliments came barreling at me.

"Hermione! You look amazing!"

"He won't be able to keep his eyes off you!"

"Wow! You look great!"

I laughed appreciatively. "Thanks so much, you guys." My eyes started to fill up with happy tears. "I couldn't have done any of this without you!"

They, too, had tears in their eyes. "Group hug!" called out Ginny.

Before we let go, a knock was heard from the door.

"Who is it?" we all shouted at the door at the same time.

"Just me. The one who's giving his best friend away today."

I jumped up and got the door. "Ron!"

He looked me up and down proudly, like a big brother should. "You look beautiful, 'Mione."

I blushed. "Thanks."

"Well, come on, it's time."

My eyes widened. "Now? As in now? As in this minute? Oh Merlin. I'm going to start hyperventilating." I began to breathe in and out very heavily.

Everyone laughed at me and pulled me out the door. They all took their positions, Ginny, Serena, and Pavarti further across the next room and Ron beside me.

The organs blasted out its first notes. The doors opened.

My breath caught in my throat. I had never a better decorated room. It contained the scene of snowflakes falling gently from the sky, but never touching our skin, with pure white candles everywhere.

On the other end of the room, there stood Draco. He looked terrific in his suede tuxedo, looking at me rather nervously, yet oddly confident. Only _he_ could project such an image.

He looked at me, and although he couldn't see my face through my veil, he mouthed, _I love you._

In case you didn't guess by now, this was my wedding day. Yes, I, Hermione Granger, was soon to become Mrs. Hermione Granger _Malfoy._

Personally, I think it rolls off the tongue quite nicely.

Next to me, Ron whispered quietly, "Last chance to change your mind."

I laughed inwardly. Of course, he didn't really feel that way. By now, he realized as much as I did that Draco was a good man who would take care of me. We had been dating for four years when he had finally proposed to me, and in the most romantic way. But we won't get into that story right now.

Finally, we reached the end of the carpet. I held my breath as Draco gently lifted up my veil.

He looked down at me with adoration and love. I knew I was making the right choice.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here…."

The speech went by in a blur. The whole time, Draco's eyes held mine.

The "I do" s were said and soon I heard, "You may now kiss the bride."

This was obviously the part that Draco was anticipating. He eagerly pressed his lips against mine; I pulled away before it turned into a make out session.

He picked me up and brought us to our suite. I know what he wanted.

Of course, we had _done it_ before. Many people thinks its wrong to have sexual intercourse before marriage, but all my friends actually even asked me how I waited that long. It was a whole year. I know, it doesn't seem that long, but it sure seemed like it, with that body always there right in front of me. It was a miracle that I could even resist for a bloody _week!_

Which all brings me to the announcement I had to tell Draco.

Once we were on the bed, he began to kiss me all over, making me giggle. He started to undo my back zipper, but then I stopped him.

"What? It was just getting good," he whined. I laughed at his puppy dog expression.

"I have to tell you something, so sex is just going to have to wait."

He sat down and crossed his arms playfully.

"We can't have sex for a while." His eyes opened big in horror. Before he could protest, I shushed him with a kiss.

"I'm pregnant." This time, his eyes opened big in shock, not yet processing it. At first, I was afraid that he wouldn't accept it, but after a long, long pause, he slowly broke into a grin.

"I'm going to be a dad?"

I nodded happily.

"You're going to be a mum?"

I nodded again, eyes filling up with tears for the second time that day.

He laughed out loud and picked me up, surprising me with this spontaneous act, and spun me around wildly.

He put me back down on the bed, and kissed me again on the lips.

We sank into a content silence, when he asked, "Girl or boy?"

This only widened my smile. "Both. Draco, we're having twins."

He fainted.

My hero.

-Next Morning-

As soon as I opened my eyes, someone spoke.

"So I was thinking. There's bound to be some name issues, so how about you choose the girl's name, and I'll choose the boy's?"

I grinned slightly and sat up. "Good morning to you, too," I half yawned as I rubbed my eyes.

Draco smiled at me sheepishly. "So what do you say?"

I shrugged indifferently. "Well, sure, I guess. That would work."

"You go first I already picked out the name I wanted."

I looked at him curiously. "Alright. Let me see… hmm…"

"Come on! Come on come on come on come-"

I laughed. "Okay! Okay! I think I have one."

I paused for dramatic criteria. "What do you think about… Aviana?"

He looked thoughtful for a second, then smiled. "Brilliant."

"Now what's the name you've come up with?"

He looked down at his feet, embarrassed. This perked my curiosity even further.

"What do you say about the name, James?"

My eyes immediately clouded over, and some old pain came back.

_Harry._

I guess he saw my face because he said hastily, "No, never mind, forget I even mentioned it."

I looked at him and grinned slyly. I leaned forward to kiss him on the cheek.

"Harry would have liked it. James it is."

"James it is," he repeated quietly.

He reached forward to grab the muffin on the table, but I beat him to it and immediately chomped into its blueberry goodness.

"Hey!" he pouted indignantly. "That was the last muffin!"

I stuck my tongue at him. "Sometimes, it's _okay_ to be selfish. Remember?" I asked slightly mockingly.

I laughed loudly as he chased me around the room for the muffin.

"That's not fair!"

"I stopped for a second to reply, "All's fair in love and war."

"Give me the muffin!"

**FIN**


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